Butterfly Wings
by Vallari
Summary: In the world of Lily Evans when things just can't get worse, they do. For seventeen years she had to battle her fathers abuse, little brothers death, missing mothers drug habits and sisters absence on her own... untill now.
1. Love hate relationship

Well I found another name for my fic. One hopefully less fluffy and more realistic seeing as the following story deals with mature subject matter but whatever… anyway without further adu

Butterfly wings

Summary: Lily is just like any other teenager, crappy home life and never perfect school life ether, but after meeting mischief magi James Potter and falling for him it looks like everything's about to change. Mind you happy endings are reserved for books only…

Lily goes home and is isolated from the wizarding world and all its occupants for three weeks till she turns up on James' doorstep thoroughly beaten and out cold. Once partly mended and conscious she refuses to tell James what happened and in turn pushes him away…

Filled with hidden secrets, pain and agony and reality…

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so please do not sue.

Chapter one

"Put Snape back on the ground this instant" Lily Evans screamed as she pushed her way through the crowd surrounding James Potter.

"Why?" James replied coolly as he flipped a squirming 17-year-old boy upside-down in mid air.

"Because that is no way to treat a fellow student Potter. What did he do to you?" Lily replied her face burning with anger. Lily grabbed at James' wand but only began spinning Snape in circles. James in turn mocked her by saying

"Its mostly the fact that he exists you know"

" You disgusting prat!" Lily yelled her fists clenched.

"Now now watch your language Evans" James taunted.

"How dare you preach manners to me you uncivilized brute! Now put Snape down!" Lily yelled again.

"As you wish" James replied flicking his wand letting Snape fall to the ground.

Lily knelt to help Snape up, "I don't need your help Mud blood!" Snape spat scrambling towards his forgotten wand.

"Apologize now" James ordered pointing his wand at Snape, his face flushed with anger. Snape spat at the ground by James' feet. His wand now shaking James repeated the order.

"Don't worry about it" Lily muttered

"But he called you a you-know-what!" James stuttered

"Your just as bad as he is James" Lily snapped

"What?"

"I've seen you walking around hexing people who get in your way, playing with that stupid snitch, ruffling your hair like that, your so stuck up!" Lily yelled

"Wh-wh" James stuttered.

"You make me sick James Potter!" Lily said as she off the lawn towards Hogwarts castle leaving a very startled James in her wake. James looked helplessly at Sirius Black, his best friend, as if to ask what that meant.

"I take it she thinks you're a bit conceited mate," Sirius explained to a bemused James. James shook his head and recovered enough to say, " No way, she's only playing hard to get. Say, who wants to take the pants off Snivelous?" Shaking his head Sirius retrieved his wand from the grass and flipped a disgruntled Severous Snape upside down.

Meanwhile up in the Griffindor Common room Lily Evans was ranting to Tonks about James Potter. "He is such a stuck up git! How dare he think I would ever go out with him! Potter is such a wanker!" she yelled

"I think he's kind of cute myself," Tonks said quietly.

"WHAT!!" Lily yelled

"Well I've never had a guy so head-over-heals in love with me like James is. I think its sweet." Tonks meekly replied.

Before Lily got a chance to respond a chorus of laughter drew her to the window. Ripping it open Lily gasped as she saw Snape was once again upside-down. Lily yelled to the people below "James Potter! Put Snape down this instant!"

"Only if you'll go out with me," he replied

"Never you bigheaded git, now put Snape down," She ordered.

"When you say never do you mean "no I'm playing hard to get" or "no never" James questioned.

"I would sooner go out with the squid than you James" Lily yelled slamming the window closed and flopping onto a couch.

"Do you think she means she's playing hard to get" James muttered quietly to Sirius. Sadly Sirius only shook his head and smiled.

"Ugg. What am I going to do with him?" Lily asked Tonks. Shrugging her shoulders Tonks sat down beside Lily and wrapped her arm around her.

"Hopefully you've dropped enough subtle hints to clue him in that you don't like him," she said softly. Lily lay her head down on Tonks's shoulder and sighed softly, "I hope your right."

James sat down on the couch in the Griffindor common room with his head in his hands. "What am I going to do about Lily? I love her and she hates me! I mean what's wrong with me? Every other girl loves me but not _her!_" His hazel eyes filled with worry and over all gloom.

"Well, she does have a point" Remus Lupin replied as he entered the Griffindor Common room and sat down in a large red chair by the fire. Glumly James ruffled his already messy black hair. Remus continued, "you do hex everyone that annoys you, you do show off with that annoying snitch to", he said glaring as the tiny gold ball whizzed around the room. " You do use Snape as a form of entertainment which is rather cruel and you ruffle your hair way to much James"

"No he does not" Peter Pettigrew retorted loyally as he sat pitifully at James' feet. Remus made a face at Peter, the way he worshiped James was disgusting. Following him everywhere, imitating his every move, and applauding whenever James did something even remotely interesting.

Sirius stepped from the shadows and into the light of the fire. Brushing his dark brown hair off his handsome face he said, "I think Remus is right. If you really want to be with Lily you have to grow up a little"

"How?" James dreadfully replied. A moment of silence followed as the four friends schemed.

"You just need to let her know your not conceited" Remus said, shaking his sandy blond hair from his amber eyes.

"And how would I do that" James asked with a tinge of irritation.

"I am Lily's best friend James, if anyone were to help you it would be me." Remus smiled, his white teeth flashing.

Alrighty I know its fluffy but it'd be no fun if everything was serious all the time… anyways James is so cute when he begs… but no matter however fluffy it is it doesn't stop it from being that time of the day again!!! Take one guess as to what it is…wrong its not lunch…nope not dinner ether though I am hungry…its REVIEW TIME!!! Help a poor starving (not latterly but pretty close) writer and let her know what you think…. So please please please review…this is my first fan fic after all

-Prongsies.


	2. Hazel eyed flirt

Butterfly wings

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so please do not sue.

Chapter two

Golden sunlight filtered through the windows and fell on the red and gold bed covers. Sighing Lily Evans turned over on her pillow. Being head girl does have its perks, like your own room she thought happily. Stretching Lily rose from her four-poster bed and walked to the bathroom. She reveled in the long glorious showers she didn't get at home and took her own sweet time drying her hair and dabbing on the hint of makeup she wore. When she opened the door again Lily saw a bouquet of red roses on her bedside table. Questioningly she picked them up. The thick smell filled her nose and made her lightheaded. Dreamily she drew in a deep breath and sighed softly. After lazily contemplating the sudden appearance of the flowers the examined the bouquet gently Lily found a tag on the side. It read:

_"Love from the Bigheaded Git."_

A smile creased Lily's face as she thought about James. He was the only one she would have called a bigheaded git so it must be his flowers. But why did he send them to her? Was it an apology or an act of love and friendship? On the other hand, was he just hitting on her again? After musing over these happy thoughts for a moment Lily's mind sauntered to her boyfriend Amos Diggory. Would he mind if James sent her flowers? He'd never cared when James asked her out before. Anyway Amos was never around anyway. He rarely talked to Lily, never mind kissed her.

Now frowning Lily conjured up a vase for her flowers and sat on her unmade bed. What was going on with Amos? She questioned. Does he still love me? Rubbing her temples gently she heaved a sigh. Almost as if to answer her question a knock sounded on the door. Opening it she saw Amos leaning against the doorframe with a classic elegance Potter would've never been able to manage. He smiled slightly and handed her the flowers. Lily blushed but hid it by burring her head in the bouquet as she let him in to her chaotic room.

"Sorry I've been so distant lately." He said propping himself up against the post on her bed. "It's just my mum wasn't doing so well after my dad died"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lily asked sitting on her bed

Amos shrugged as he sat down beside her, "I didn't want to make what we had between us more complicated" he said, his voice husky. "Hope you understand." He ran a gentle finger down Lily's cheek.

"Of course I do" Lily said wrapping her arms around Amos. He hugged her back and kissed her softly saying, "Thank you Lily"

Her talk with Diggory had made her late for her first class of the day, Arithmancy. Running down the dusty deserted corroders she didn't hear the footsteps of another tardy student barreling toward her. Whipping around a corner she ran smack into a torso. The body grabbed her hand to keep her from falling and pulled her to his chest. Lily breathed in the spicy sweet scent of the man holding her up. Gentle fingers unwrapped themselves from her wrist and egged her chin up. Her green eyes meeting hazel she recognized the humor echoing in them. Her lips parted in a smile as she softly commented, " thanks for the flowers James"

Wow, she's so beautiful when she's not mad at me, James though, not that she's not cute when she yells but… I just want to kiss her, just once… HE shook his head slightly and instead of kissing her replied coyly "So we're on first name basis now Lils."

"First name not nickname" she said fighting the urge to stay wrapped in his arms, "anyway I have to go, I'm late for Arithmancy" She was glad he was still holding her with one arm because one glance into those laughing hazel eyes made her heart turn to butter. His messy black hair falling into his eyes, his perfect smile, his wonderfully tall build all surprised her that he did not have his own religion, mind you with all his fan clubs it was pretty close.

James tilted his head to one side, sending shivers down Lily's spine, it was as if he could undress her with his eyes. Knowing what would happen if she looked up at him she inspected her shoes instead.

"Fair enough, your welcome by the way, I know I've been a prat lately and I wanted to apologizes." James huskily replied. I just want to hold her and never let her go, wipe the traces of fear and grief from her eyes with my kisses and let her know what love really felt like.

"It's alright, but that doesn't mean you can jinx Snape anymore." She replied laughing. She looks so pretty when she laughs, James smiled to himself. This is probably the greatest moment of my life. She's in my arms, willingly, not that I'd hurt her like that, but she's not pushing me away!

"Sigh" James mockingly replied, "If you say so"

"I have to go, thanks again James" Lily unwillingly prying herself away from him. He stood there and watched the woman of his dreams walk away, turning at the corner to grace him with her smile. James moaned lovingly and slid down the wall. Who needs care for magical creatures when they don't talk about Lily Evans he thought running over what just happened in his mind again and again.

Men are so odd; Lily thought to herself as she slipped into her Arithmancy classroom unnoticed. One moment they are complete prats and the other foolishly cute. She placed her books on a table near the front and began to copy down the formula on the board. As hard as she tried to concentrate on the formula her mind kept wandering to a certain hazel-eyed flirt. She even found herself running her fingers over the spot were he held her arm. Shaking her head to clear it Lily doubled her efforts on her parchment. Why am I thinking of him, Lily thought, I don't even like him!

Yes you do you just don't want to admit it, her sensible side chided. Rolling her eyes she returned to the formula on the board and was for the most part unsuccessful.

Alrightly my beloved (yes your are ) reader and reviewer , not hinting at anything though (wink wink) its review time…so tell em…to much fluff…not enough…mushy…frigid….hate it…love it…don't care… whatever you wanna say I'm listening…so please tell me…

-Prongsies


	3. Twotimer

Butterfly wings

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so you do not sue.

Chapter three

Lily placed her head in her hands. Rubbing her throbbing temples she wondered why Arithmancy had to be so dam complicated. Lily threw her book aside and fell onto her poofy feather bed. Her head girl was perfect, All decked out in scarlet and gold. Red walls, red and gold flecked carpet, red silk sheets and her bed, dresser, bookcase and desk made from cherry wood. To pronounce Griffindor spirit her canopy was made from a filmy gold material that flowed like water over her king sized bed. She gazed up at the ceiling, trimmed with scarlet and gold depicting important moments in wizarding history, all moving of course. The window seat next to her bed was made from cherry wood to and padded with red and gold pillows with a glorious view of the lake, forests and mountains that surrounded Hogwarts.

Lily drew in a deep breath and sighed. The year was almost over, so close to being released to the world for good. True her life at Hogwarts had been the best years but she looked forward to the chances she'd get as an adult. With only two weeks left of school she had so much to prepare for. Living on your own meant big choices she'd have to make on her own, not like she wasn't already, but here, at school almost everything was taken care of. Her fire built, her room cleaned, her food made. Sure it was grand but everyone needs to grow up sometime, don't they…

Her thoughts were interrupted by a rumbling she realized was her stomach. I guess its time for supper she smiled inwardly. Lily pried her was off her bed and drifted down the golden spiral staircase to the common room she and James, the head boy, shared.

Their common room was similar to Lily's bedroom; with windows all about showing views of the mountains outside, wither real or magical it was hard to say. On every window was a seat decked in red and gold pillows trimmed along with the scarlet walls, with gold. The carpet and wood fixtures. The couches here a warm beige. The wall space not taken up by paintings about wizarding history's was taken up by cherry wood bookcases filled with novels both fiction and non about living in the world of magic. There was always a fire glowing in the golden grate that gave the room a happy glow.

Lily walked through this magnificent room into the empty hall. Other than Head boy and girl rooms this part of the castle was rarely used. The pictures developed a dusty tinge, along with the walls and floor; mind you it did possess some of the schools best works of art, kept hidden from trouble makers like the marauders.

Lily, knowing the route to the Griffindor common room by heart, didn't bother to think of where she was going till she arrived at the common room portrait of the Fat Lady and didn't know the password.

"Give me a second and I'll remember it," she told the kindly old lady

"No need Lily Evans, your head girl, just come on in" The Fat Lady croaked. The passage way creaked open to reveal a large room decorated, though not so grandly, like Lily's own common room. It was there she found Tonks with her head propped up on a book, fast asleep. Lily grinned and reached through her arms to pinch Tonks' nose closed. The pink haired girl woke with a start gasping for air. When her heart left her throat she glared at her best friend

"Lillian Dawn Evans! How dare you wake me?" Tonks bellowed from her current 5'3" frame. Lily grinned and wrapped her arms around the purple faced sprite. It was hard to stay mad to such a charming girl for long so Tonks', muttering under her breath all the while, hugged her back.

"I'm starving, coming to supper" Lily asked when she let go

"Always willing for food" Tonks grinned as she held out a hand and bowed to Lily "milady" With as smile the mix-matched two left the common room arm in arm.

Though Tonks and Lily were the best of friends though they differed in some aspects. Tonks could change her appearance at will, though she normally had bright pink hair, tan skin and a small frame. Lily on the other hand had long auburn hair, pale skin and a curvy body. Tonks was also about two years younger. Anyway despite the differences since Tonks' first day at Hogwarts they'd been friends.

Walking through the somewhat crowded hall Tonks asked, "Did you bring your transfiguration book? Because I need some help on an essay my intermediate transfiguration book doesn't cover"

"No I didn't" Lily dutifully replied " I'll run up and get it, save me a seat at dinner" she called, leaving Tonks on the staircase. The passageways were almost empty since most everyone was eating, something most Hogwarts students never passed up. Lily's footsteps echoed in the halls as she ran to the Heads Tower.

Once in the deserted portion of the castle Lily broke into a full sprint. It was a long way from the heads Tower to the Great Hall and Lily was devastatingly hungry. Turning the last corner she saw a young man with wavy brown hair snogging a raven haired woman. Smiling slightly Lily tiptoed past. The face snogging the woman in front of her finally registered in Lily mind. With a gasp Lily realized that the man on the couch was Amos Diggory, her boyfriend, snogging Bellatrix, the school whore! Lily's breath caught in her throat as she stared horrified at the cheating bastard in front of her. When she managed to uproot her feet from where they lay planted she ran from the hall. Amos glanced up at the sound of disappearing footsteps and saw a flash of red hair disappear out of the hall. His stomach started to sink. Red hair only meant one thing… Lily Evans. With a moan Amos pulled down his shirt and ran out after her, leaving Bellatrix alone. Grinning madly Bellatrix followed Lily. She wanted to see Lily's face when Amos tried to explain how they had been snogging on the side for months now. That perfect mud blood priss will finally learn her lesion Bellatrix though wickedly.

Blinded my tears Lily ran wildly through countless passages till she could run no longer. Pain wrenched at her heart as her sobs grew steadily harder. Leaning against a cold stone pillar she whipped her eyes dry. She couldn't let him know how much that hurt, let him know he did a job well done.

She could hear footsteps approaching now but she didn't care. How could Amos betray her like that? And with Bellatrix! She is a whore! Amos didn't even have the nerve to break up with her before snogging someone else! Disgustedly Lily hit her head against the marble wall.

"Lily please let me explain" Amos called to her.

"What is there to explain?" Lily asked "I caught you snogging Bellatrix in the common room"

"It's not like that though" Amos frantically tried to elucidate.

"You couldn't even break up with me before dating someone else could you" Lily shouted. Amos was silent.

"You told be you loved me, you told me you would never hurt me, you Bastard!" Lily screamed at him. Groups of people were now emerging from the great hall behind her crowding around to see what the shouting was about. Amos, being the 'man' he is didn't, couldn't, look lily in the eyes but hung his head brown hair tumbling into his puppy dog eyes.

"Do you think I deserved this Amos?" Lily demanded.

"No I'm so sorry, it will never happen again" Amos sadly replied

"Your right," Lily said re-wiping the tears off her pale cheeks, " It's over Amos"

" But I love you Lily" Amos replied, his voice cracking

"No you don't," Lily softly said, tears once more spilling from her bright green eyes, " if you did you wouldn't have done this to me" Lily turned her back on Amos and started walking away. Amos grabbed her shoulder and turned her around.

"Don't touch me," Lily coldly whispered smacking his hand off her shoulder. Amos made as if to say something else but James Potter and Remus Lupin stepped between him to block him from Lily. Tears again spilling from her eyes, blinding her vision as she ran, took more than one wrong turn and end up in an unknown passageway. Turning to her left Lily's hand fell on a golden handle. Turning it she entered a beautiful red room with a large canopy, mini fridge, a pile of tissue boxes and a garbage can beside the bed. Before thinking about whose room this might be Lily flung herself onto the bed and sobbed.

James tentatively entered the Room of Requirement and found Lily Evans sprawled on a large red canopy bed. After wiping the Marauders Map clean he walked into the room and sat on the foot of the bed. Lily sat up and whipped her tear stained cheeks. Even when she had been crying she still looked gorgeous, James thought. The tears blackened and lengthened her already long lashes, brought rose color into her pale cheeks and her red hair had pillow fuzz on top, giving her the aura of and angel.

James shook his head slightly to rid himself of the lovesick thoughts and handed Lily a tissue. Smiling slightly she wiped her cheeks dry.

"You shouldn't cry over him," James told her softly as he lent nearer to her, "He's not worth it."

"It just-," Lily began before she choked.

"I know you loved him but after what he did to you, I'm surprised you're not angry" James finished for her as he brushed a strand of auburn hair from her cheek.

"I am," she quietly replied "did Amos think I deserved this?"

"Amos is a prat. All he wanted was a little action, I doubt he wanted to hurt you" James responded with a tinge of resentment in his voice.

"He told be I could rely him though, and he would never hurt me" Lily cried.

"Amos has and always be full of bull" James retorted.

"I trusted him though, and look what he did," Lily said shaking slightly. James wrapped Lily in a tight hug. Whispering in her ear he murmured, "Were not all like that you know"

Smiling, Lily replied, "I hope not." James held her a little longer, till her shaking stopped. Her eyes were dry and red when he released her. After rubbing them she sunk onto the mound of pillows and sighed. James lay beside her and stroked her cheek.

"Are you going to be OK?" he muttered in her ear.

"Could you stay?" she asked gently.

"Of course" James whispered. He wrapped his arms around her curvy frame as she drifted into sleep. Lily's breathing slowed and deepened and her eyelashes stopped fluttering. Slowly James released her and crawled out of bed. James pulled the covers up over the sleeping girl and kissed her forehead.

"It'll all be ok" James sighed as he crawled into the cot that magically appeared behind him. James slowly crept into the cot and faded off to sleep.

Ok I know its fluffy and stuff but I solemnly swear it'll start dealing with real issues just as soon as James and Lily get close enough that they can find out about them…so… wadda think??? So tell this desperately waiting writer…

-Prongsies


	4. Depratafication

Butterfly wings

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so you do not sue.

Chapter Four

Lily rolled over with a sigh. Bright sunlight shone through the large windows in front of her. With a yawn Lilly rose from her bed. Cringing she remembered what happened the night before. Suddenly returning to the Griffindor common room didn't seem so appealing. Sadly she sat down on the large red bed, her head in her hands. James rose from his cot and sat beside her.

Wrapping a long arm around her small frame James said, "I'm willing to bet Amos isn't crying over what happened."

"Yah," Lily half smiled whipping her cheeks "It's- Well-" She began.

"I know." James whispered softly "I know how you feel" Lily looked into his big hazel eyes and smiled. James smiled back and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Isn't it odd, Lily thought, just last week if you'd have said James would've been comforting me when I cried I would've called you a crazy git. Mind you people are rarely who they appear to be. Amos is an ass and James… I'm really not sure yet.

"What do you say we get some breakfast my lady?" James sweetly asked Lily once he let her go.

Smiling Lily accepted his offered arm " I would love to Sir Knight"

Tonks gaped in wonder as lily and James walked arm and arm into the Great hall for breakfast that morning. It was a school joke about how much Lily hated James; now this was an odd turn of events.

"Where have you been I was worried sick about you" Tonks cried to Lily

"No where in particular" Lilly replied innocently. Tonks gave Lily a dry look and sat down to a plate full of kippers.

Throughout breakfast Tonks remained rather silent, which is rather out of character for her. Instead of talking though she listened to James and Lily. As odd as it seems they had a lot in common. Music, Sports, Political opinion, Humor. For the first time in a long time Lily looked really happy. Never before had she laughed so hard or talked so much.

Hmm, Tonks though, I'd've never though this before but they actually look good together. Smiling Tonks got up to leave. Those two were to deep in conversation to notice she was gone. Anyway she had homework to do and wouldn't want to be a third wheel. Tonks slipped quietly out of the Great hall, easing the large wooden doors close behind her.

Tonks rubbed her head gingerly, her ink-stained fingers leaving smudges on her forehead. Homework was so much easier with Lily. She always knew the answers to work she did years ago. With a sigh Tonks cracked her neck and returned to her essay on Giant Wars for History of Magic.

"Hey Tonks" Remus called from across the room

"Yah" She replied with a tinge of irritation

"Could you give me a hand?" He asked

With a sigh Tonks rose from her chair at a table and walked over to a chair by the fireplace. "What is it Remus?" Tonks asked

"I'll tell you but you can't tell Lily" he warned "But we need your held, and since you're her best friend…"

"Alright" Tonks agreed questioningly

"We're trying to un-prick-a-fy James." Remus stated bluntly

"Ok what do you want me to do" Tonks asked

" What kind of gifts would Lily like?" Remus dully said. Smiling Tonks began listing off ideas. Like Remus, she thought James and Lily should get together but unlike the Marauders she didn't know how. Isn't it odd how opportunity just finds a way of presenting itself?

"Thanks James, I had a great time today" Lilly blushed.

"Anytime" James replied smiling

"Really?" Lily asked, hoping she wasn't being too obvious in her tact.

"Yah, what are you doing tomorrow?" James shyly asked

"Studding" She made a face

"Can I join you?" James asked

"I'd love you to" Lily whispered. After a quick hug Lily disappeared into her room. James skipped down the stairs from her room into the common room. Smiling and sinning James danced around the room with an imaginary girl.

"Lover boy cool it, we have work to do "Remus grinned

"Hey how'd you get in here?" When a grin from Remus was the only answer he got James shook his head. His friends always knew how to get where they really shouldn't be. "I can't help it. I had the best day with Lill's, and I'm seeing her tomorrow and I think she might like me and…"James trailed off again with a dreamy expression on his face.

"I talked to Tonks you know" Remus said stopping James dream short. Correctly interpreting James worried expression Remus quickly said "I've got some great ideas on how to win Lily over for you!" James' face broke out in a smile again as he resumed his dance across the common room. I've never seen him this happy, Remus contemplated; maybe this is all worth it.

Slanted sunlight fell on Lily's beautiful face, waking her slowly. Smiling and stretching Lily got out of her bed and saw a large stuffed bear holding a box of chocolates. Though nothing is really as it seems in the wizarding world. When Lily picked up this bear it began to sing

"Her hair is as red as a dew covered rose,

Her eyes are as green as the grass

She's the sweetest girl anyone knows

Not to mention a pretty great ass"

-Love the disgusting prat

Laughing Lilly set the bear down on her bedside table and used her private bathroom. After attempting to manage her curly red hair but realizing there was little hope she grabbed her books and headed to the common room.

James, being the boy he is wasn't up yet so Lily curled up in a large chair by the fire and began an overly large chapter in her Arithmancy book.

"Isn't it a bit early for that" James yawned walking down the spiral staircase. His usually messy black hair had incredible bed head. Lily smiled and retorted, "Not if you have Arithmancy." James made a face and ruffled his already messy hair. Glancing up through her eyelashes Lilly looked James over. I guess all that Quidditch practice pays off; she thought to herself, he's pretty hot. Oh my god! I can't believe I just said that! I used to hate James! What's wrong with me? A reasonable part of her mind answered, "You like him" while the over emotional part argued, "You just think he's hot cause he's giving you stuff."

The internal argument and Arithmancy homework started driving Lily up the wall. Massaging her temples she asked James "Hey, you wanna get some breakfast before we start studding?"

"Yah, I'm always in the mood for food" He smiled "But somehow I doubt there's food in the breakfast hall yet, it is like 6:30 in the morning" He paused for a minute then said "But never fear, where there's a will there's a way" Grinning evilly James reached for her hand. Suspiciously Lily took his hand. James took off at a run out of the portal and into the hall.

Lily ran as fast as she could just try to keep up with him. They took turn after turn till Lily was very lost. When they finally slowed she glanced around. Nothing was familiar, not even the pictures on the walls, though they were mostly of food.

"Where are we James?" Lilly asked softly. A grin was the only answer she got back. James walked up to a painting of a silver bowl of fruit and began tickling the pear. Lily gave James a questioning look but sure enough the pear turned into a handle and James led her into a large brightly lit room. Blinking from the bright light Lily looked around. They must be in the kitchen, and were surrounded by house elves. Moments after James finished whispering to them they appeared with a large picnic basket, bowing and curtsying. James smiled to Lily as he took the basket and left through the open door.

James again led Lily through more passageways she didn't know and into a large courtyard. In the center of the green park was a large weeping willow on a small mound. Gating this courtyard were stone arched windows into other halls. Looking around Lily didn't remember ever seeing this before.

"Where are we James," she asked

"Just a little place I found," he smiled as he unpacked the basket. As it turned out the elves packed it with pastries and fruits. Smiling Lily helped herself to a croissant and asked "James how did you get into the kitchen?"

Grinning James replied, " My processors informed me of that little painting. Since then the Marauders and I have been nicking food since." James Hazel eyes stared into hers, blushing she lowered her eyes. James reached over and gently stroked her cheek. Placing warm fingers under her chin he raised her face to look into her warm green eyes. Suddenly Lily's hands got sweaty, and her heart began beating way to fast. She could feel his warm breath on her cheek. Blood coursed through her body turning her cheeks red. Lily's hands felt to large and out of place. I'm like a little kid, having her first kiss, Lilly smiled, but that's exactly what it feels like. Never the less James' face was to close to hers…

Sorry to leave you like this but please review… my little author heart needs some responses about my story

-Prongsies


	5. My Bowl of Cherries

Butterfly wings

Disclaimer: roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so you do not sue…

Chapter five

Lily looked around her room for the last time. Her old Head Girl bedroom looked so bare without her pictures and posters. I can't believe this is the last time I'll see my room, she thought sadly. School had ended again, much to soon for Lily's liking. Never again would she walk the corroders, or eat in the Great Hall or just spend time chatting with Remus, Tonks or (slightly more than chatting with) James.

Wiping away a stray tear Lily picked up her trunk and bag and walked from her room. James was waiting, arms open, at the bottom of the stairs. Dropping her things Lily ran into his arms. He stroked her hair gently and whispered sweet words into her ear. Putting on a brave smile Lily let go of him and grabbed her bag. James followed her with her trunk.

This year went by so fast, she thought as she walked past the great hall, too fast, especially since this is my last year. I've been here for so long I really don't want to leave. Hogwarts is so much better than home, can't I just stay? Lily shook her hear to clear it and continued walking through the large wooded doors into the gloomy yard. At least the weather matches my mood, Lily thought as she threw her baggage in the growing pile.

"Thanks James" Lilly said softly

"Anytime" He replied as he opened a horseless carriage. Lily stepped in and sat near the window, wiping the condensation off it so she could look at her old home as she left it. Tonks soon joined her along with Remus. As Remus sat down he casually placed his arm around Tonks shoulders.

"I didn't know anything was in between them," Lily whispered to James. James laughed and replied " He's like Tonks for ages, but he never though she'd go for him." Lily giggled.

Remus and James made up for most of the conversation till they reached the Hogsmeade train station. As they approached the scarlet train Lily's stomach dropped. This train ride was going to be her last as a Hogwarts student. As she boarded Lily glanced over her shoulder and caught one last look at her beloved school before the Hogwarts Express whisked her back to the muggle world.

"Why so quiet?" James asked as they found a compartment.

"I'm going to miss Hogwarts" Lilly quietly replied

" So am I. It's more than that isn't it Lil's?" James replied in her ear. Lily didn't answer as she curled up in the window seat of the compartment. She rested her forehead on the cold pane of the window. Rain started to tumble down, blurring her view of Hogsmeade. As Tonks and Remus joined them in the carriage Lily drifted to sleep.

Lily awoke to the sound of laughter. The sun was peeking out of gray cloud lighting the carriage with warm rays. Tonks, Remus and Sirius were laughing as a disgruntled James untangled himself from the limp form of Malfoy. By the looks of it he was hit with a couple of curses that really shouldn't have been put together. Giggling Lily sat up and pushed off her blanket. Till they reached Kings Cross station Lily joined in the happy conversation echoing through the corridors. As the wheels slowed Lily's stomach dropped even further. She slowly grabbed her trunk and bag, savoring her last few minutes in the wizarding world. After hugging Tonks and Remus goodbye she turned to James, who pulled her aside. As he firmly kissed her goodbye he slipped a small oval object into her palm. Lily looked into her hand, clasped inside it was a small gold charm with a rose etched onto it. On the back was engraved

_"Lilly Evans_

_ Hogwarts School_

_ June 1978_

_ Love always,_

_ James Potter"_

"Oh James" Lily cried

"So you like it?" James inquired with a tinge of anxiety in his voice.

"I love it. You really didn't have to do this though James" Lilly whispered.

"I just don't want you to forget me," James said

"I won't" Lilly promised "I'll call you or something soon, I promise" After a brief kiss Lilly walked through the magical barrier into the rest of Kings Cross station. After a quick glance over her shoulder at her friends milling with there parents around Lily boarded the nearest train to Surry, her dad would never come to pick her up at the station, she knew that. As Lily sat in the closest empty compartment she looked out the window again. Remus, Tonks and James were waving with there smiling families. She smiled bravely and waved to, the train wheels gave a shudder and a groan before rolling down the tracks. Lily willed them to slow down, but they only gained speed, taking her away from the life she so loved into a life she didn't. A single tear fell from her bright green eyes and tumbled down her cheek. With a sigh Lily curled up on the seat and stared into the people passing in the isle of the train. Sure she was beginning the rest of her life but she didn't really want to grow up. She liked being fed and clothed by someone else, spending your days laughing and pulling pranks, and curling up by the fire to play chess every night. I know life isn't really like that, but I sure wish it were. Now I can do whatever I want whenever I want, but if that is so great why am I crying. Why does time have to pass, why can't I make it stay still? Lily rested her head on the cold pane of the window and sighed. The tracks making a rhythmic clap underneath her, Lily drifted away, reminiscing in the life she had.

The train stopped at a run down town, waking Lily out of her daydream. Looking around she found her bag and trunk and waked off the train. The town Lily lived in isn't exactly suburbia. It was filled with old falling buildings and warehouses, grungy pubs, and small smelly apartment complexes. With a sigh Lily started to the largest one. As she opened the dirty glass door the familiar scent of boiled cabbage filled her nose. My beloved childhood home hasn't changed a bit, Lily thought sarcastically. Lily walked up the half broken stairs to the third floor. The apartment nearest the stairs was hers. Using an old key she let herself in. Obviously her dad hadn't done any cleaning since she left in September. The floor was cluttered with beer cans, old newspapers, napkins and takeout boxed. Shuffling through the garbage she found her room.

"Alohamora" she whispered, pointing her wand at the lock. Thank god her dad wasn't a wizard or he could get in to her room. She opened the dirty dented door of her room and stepped into the cool darkness of her room. Unlike the rest of Lily's house her room was perfectly clean and scented, instead of beer and boiled cabbage, of lavender. Lily's small room was painted a glossy white with blue flowers. Her white canopy bed and her large white desk took up her room; Lily threw her trunk at the foot of her bed and her bag on her vanity and flopped onto her bed. Everything in her room she had to buy herself, since her dad didn't care enough about her to buy food, never-mind her bed or sheets. Lily walked over to her mini-fridge and turned it on again. She'd have to go buy some bread and milk soon, but for now she just wanted to sleep, in till her dad came home at least. Lily's dad was an alcoholic, gambling addicted, abusive, git, not to mention lazy. The money he didn't spend on alcohol or gambling he spent on take-out, mainly because he was too lazy to cook or shop.

Just being at home brought back memories Lily had tried for years to forget. Like when Lily's mom ran away every once and a wile only to return a couple weeks later stoned, drunk and dirty. She'd been doing that since Lily was born, but one day when Lily was eight her mom left and didn't come back, or the day when Lily's little brother was hit by a car when Lily was taking him to school. After the day he died Lily got her Hogwarts letter. From that day forward her dad tended to beat her up beat her up because of her "abnormality" and her lack of responsibility that caused her mother to run away and her brother to die. Even her older sister Petunia hated her, though Petunia left home when Lily was 13 and got married to an older man, Vernon. Rolling onto her stomach Lily traced the scars on her forearm. The result of her cutting. As odd as it sounds for her to be hurting herself with so much other pain in her life Lily found the blood flowing from her arm a release. A way to escape without actually leaving home (if you could call it that). Watching the cuts heal was a metaphor Lily used in her life. If these cuts can heal maybe my life can to. Lily rolled onto her back again and pulled the quilt over herself. Maybe she could get a couple hours of sleep till her dad came home drunk and angry again.

I told you stuff would get more Sirius, no not Sirius involved, he actually doesn't play a big part in this story as it seems to me Sirius is more comedic relief that I haven't added and don't know if I'm gonna…depends on what you think. Anyway in the next couple chapters its gonna get less fluffy and more reality based… now most of this hasn't happened directly to me but its happened to people I know… sad isn't it…

Anyway please review and tell me how much you simply adore me…well I like that but if you positively hate stories like this do tell me why so I can change my story or so I can know that you exist out there and keep my ego bearable…

-Prongsies


	6. China doll

Butterfly wings

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so you do not sue.

Chapter Six

James, Sirius and Remus were sitting on the deck in front of James' new beach house 3 weeks into summer vacation sipping Guinness's.

"Have you heard from Lily?" Remus asked James

"No," James replied, a note of worry in his voice, "Have you?" Remus shook his head. Silence followed, all the men were contemplating on how odd this was, Remus being Lily's best friend and James her boyfriend.

"Have you heard from Tonks" Sirius asked, breaking the unusual silence between the friends.

"Yah, I have a date with her on Saturday" Remus replied happily. Tonks, Lily's other best friend, was dating Remus, the fact she was 16 and both Remus Lilly were 18 never seemed to matter.

"Without dear Remy to keep us in line Prongs" Sirius said grinning as Remus' face turned bright red at the mention of his hated nickname, "I guess were gonna have a boys night out!" Sirius took a swig of his beer. James grinned evilly for a second till his thoughts settled on Lily Evans disappearance. She had promised she'd call him or see him but that was 3 weeks ago. He'd been worried at how quiet she'd been the whole train ride home; mind you she was normally quiet on the ride home. Was something wrong at her house? Family problems? His thoughts were sharply interrupted by the sound of a whip cracking the air. With a gentle thud something landed on the stairs leading up to the deck. A pale white hand with long fingers landed softly at the top. Remus' and Sirius discussion on the beauty of the sunset reflecting on the water too had stopped when they saw the face of the body lying on James' stairs.

It was Lily Evans.

She was lying unconscious looking badly beaten, her hair caked with blood. James ran toward her, reaching for her neck to check for a pulse. When he found one he breathed a sigh of relief. She was alive. Tenderly James picked her up and carried her inside. She must have been dieting because she was as light as a kitten, James thought as he placed her gently on his bed. After grabbing water, clean cloths, bandages and Murlap Essence from his pantry James gently cleaned and bound Lily's bleeding gash on her head, arm and leg. Lovingly James bathed her black eye and banged up shoulder in Murlap Essence, as well as her speckling of bruises. James softly brushed a stray curl from Lily's face, asking, "What happened to you love, what did you do?" With a sigh James rose from his bead, covering her well and walked into the hall where Remus and Sirius were anxiously waiting.

"Is she alright?" Remus asked immediately

"She'll be OK" James wearily replied

"What was wrong with her," Sirius questioned

"She's thoroughly messed up right about now," Was James sharp reply.

"Did she tell you what happened?" Remus wanted to know

"No, she's still out cold" James resignedly replied. He could tell Remus and Sirius wanted a better answer than that, mind you so did he. His girlfriend he hadn't seen of heard from for 3 weeks turns up on his doorstep, literally, almost dead. What happened? Who did this? Why? What wasn't Lily telling him about her home life? Rubbing his aching head James returned to his bedroom. Staring at the sleeping girl in his bed James plunked down in the large leather chair beside the bed. As Lily shifted in her sleep he could almost make out the hand shaped bruise on her neck. Wait a second, James thought, had someone tried to kill her? That hand shaped bruise, did that mean someone tried to strangle Lily to death? James knew her family wasn't the most caring, any money Lily had she earned herself, everything she owned she'd bought for herself, she never got any presents, cards or letter from any family members, not to mention he'd never seen any of her family to pick her up at Kings Cross station. Even when Lily was only 11 she took the train to Surrey home. Sure no one picking her up at Kings Cross was odd, but maybe her family didn't have a car, or everyone was busy. Yet getting no mail from her family ever? Even Sirius, who hated most of his family, still got some mail. James shook his head, clearing it of thoughts about Lily's family. It was really none of his business, and he knew that. However his girlfriend appearing on his porch, unconscious and really beaten up was his business. He couldn't think of anyone that really hated Lily at Hogwarts, sure Snape and Malfoy though she was scum because her parents were muggles but they didn't really hate her. It was probably gang related. England is having more and more problems with gangs these days, and from the train Lily takes home every summer James could bet she didn't live in the nicest neighborhood. James propped his head up with a large hand as his head began to pound. This was all to complicated, he'd just have to wait till Lily woke up to answer his questions, James thought as Lily' stirred under his covers. She's such a beautiful girl, James reflected, sweet and pretty and smart, why would anyone want to hurt her? Glancing at Lily's bruises and cuts someone obviously did.

All right now that you, my delightful reader, have gotten this far you'll never guess what time it is!!!!! REVIEW TIME!!! You will be my best-est best friend it you press that little button…come on now don't be shy…pressing that button won't hurt it…it wants to be pressed… the whole purpose of the button it to be pushed by people like you…so help this little button achieve its life goal and review review review!!!!!

-Thanx Prongs


	7. Broken

Butterfly Wings

Disclaimer: roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so you do not sue.

Chapter Seven

James paced his bedroom nervously. Lily arrived (if you could call it that) three days ago and she still had not stirred. He wondered if he made the right decision to keep her at his house, though her injuries weren't life threatening they were pretty serious and a hospital could take care of the much better. Mind you the last time lily showed up at the Hogwarts Express with her arm in a sling she snapped that she really really didn't like hospitals. James rubbed his head as he sat down in a puffy purple chair next to his bed. He knew he should be at the Quidditch practice for England's national team (ok I didn't know if James played Quidditch of a living of not…but I happen to like it very much…so please don't hit me if I'm wrong…prongs cowers in a corner) but the Capitan seamed to accept the fact his girlfriend was seriously hurt.

Lily stirred lightly and gave a tiny moan. James jumped up and knelt by the side of his bed. Lily's long lashes fluttered for a moment before finally giving way as she opened her emerald green eyes. Though they were normally clear and bright they looked cloudy and matte.

"James" lily whispered roughly. James stroked her hair gently "I'm here baby" he sighed. Lily's lashes fluttered closed again as her breathing deepened and steadied. James kissed her forehead softly, pulled the coverlet up again and left to find Remus and Sirius.

James found Sirius and Remus in the den talking in hushed voices. As James walked into the room Sirius smacked Remus and both of them fell quiet. After rubbing his hands under his sore, tired eyes James announced, "Lily's awake." Both of the men scrambled to get up pestering James with questions like "how is she?" "Did she say anything?" and so forth.

"She doesn't look great but she'lllive" James replied, " all she said was my name, and no I don't know who hit her Remus" James sunk onto the chesterfield with a sigh. "She was only awake for a minute but she's sleeping better now."

"Well that calls for a celebration then" Sirius announced as he summoned three bottles of beer from the fridge. As he opened one Remus and James pushed theirs away.

"This is to serious for a drink" James replied sullenly. When a puzzled look from Sirius followed his statement he led the men upstairs to his room.

As they snuck into James' bedroom Lily stirred softly on his pillow, as if hiding her neck from sight. James knelt by his bed, Remus and Sirius around him and, placing cool fingers under Lily's chin, shifted her head so the hand print bruise on her neck was clearly visible. A murmur echoed from Remus a James drew a finger down it. Sadly he set Lily's head on the pillow again and left the room.

No words were uttered by ether Sirius or Remus as they returned to the den. Mind you no words were really necessary. Someone has tried to kill their Lils, their adopted baby sister. Each lost in their thoughts sat on a leather couch in the den. After a moments silence, James angrily ruffled his hair and stalked out of the room. Remus and Sirius, after sharing a meaningful look hid their heads in their hands.

James edged into his bedroom where a sleeping Lily lay. He gently stroked her face and asked softly "Why love, why?" He sat down in the chair beside the bed, only to get up and pace the room again. Only the ringing of the doorbell woke him from his thoughts. He answered the bell only to find a distraught looking Tonks on his porch.

"How is she?" Tonks asked immediately

"She'll live" James replied sullenly. He showed her inside but the moment she saw Remus she flung herself at him sobbing hysterically. Remus rubbed her back speaking soothing words to her as James slipped from the room. He opened a cupboard filled with jars of odd shapes and sizes, filled with creepy looking potions. After grabbing one for pain and the other to cure small cuts and bruises he returned to his bedroom. He slowly dabbed the healing potion on Lily's black eye and gash on her forehead before sliding her top off her shoulder to get a better look at her dislocated shoulder. By now it had turned purple and black, but thankfully was not broken. As James was finishing up with her shoulder Tonks walked into the room. She stopped dead behind James. With a look of horror in her face Tonks rushed to Lily's side.

"Oh my god!" Tonks cried, "What happened to her?"

"I don't know" James softly said, a touch of weariness in his voice "She was awake earlier this morning but she's asleep now" Tonks touched Lily's swollen and bruised face delicately "Oh Lily" Tonks cried as tears welled up in her bright blue eyes. Remus came on and rubbed Tonks shoulders affectionately, sensing she was seriously distressed. "James you should get some rest. You haven't slept in four days" Remus said kindly James would have loved to have drifted off to sleep and just forget any of this ever happened, but sooner or alter he'd wake up again and remember. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for remembering. Anyways he wanted to be there when Lily woke up again. He swore he would kill whoever laid a hand on his Lilly. Deciding to keep his thoughts to himself James only shook his head no and sat down. Tonks and Remus left a little later but James just sat and stared at Lily. Why? How? Who? Were the only thoughts that filled his troubled mind. He sighed again; he seamed to be doing a lot of that lately. Lily stirred on his pillow so James knelt by the bed.

"James?" Lily hoarsely called

"I'm here love, I'm here" He tenderly replied

"Were am I James?" Lily asked sorely glancing around

"My beach house" James answered. "Listen Lily, who did this to you" James asked but was unable to keep a twinge of pent up anger out of his voice. Lily remained silent "Lily?" he asked again. Still she refused to answer. "Your lying on my bed beaten to a pulp after showing up on my doorstep unconscious and your not going to tell me what happened. I love you Lily, but I can't help you in less you tell me" James clenched his fists as she again, didn't answer.

"She'll tell you when she's ready mate" Sirius softly commented. James took a deep breath. She had been through a lot by the looks of her, so she needed time, to accept and heal, and then she'd tell him. As Lily's eyes fluttered closed again James left the room.

Another night passed without James getting much sleep. Though Lily was awake and as well as she could be there was still something not right. James knew Lily wouldn't have cheated on him, so this wasn't the work of a jealous boyfriend, it looked to personal and messy to be gang related, but that only left, family… James knew she didn't get along great with them but…surely they wouldn't harm her would they…

These thoughts, while they kept James awake again that night didn't prevent him from being with Lily when she woke

"Morning Lils" James said

"Morning" she whispered back.

"How are you feeling?" James asked

"A bit like road kill to tell you the truth" Lily jokingly replied. James smiled in return.

"Are you ready to tell me what happened" James asked tentatively.

Lily wanted to throw up. She knew she should tell him, but to actually tell him she was a weakling, that she could not stand up for herself, the thought made her sick. It wasn't enough that she hated herself for what she became but to divulge it to the one person who loved her like no one else could…

Tears formed in her emerald eyes, clouding them. She looked downwards, not wanting him to see how much this hurt her. Regardless of her body language he placed cool fingers under her chin, making her eyes look into his. One glance into her over-bright eyes reflected the pain in them. Like a million knives stabbing into her body, his heart shattered into a million pieces just glancing at the reflection. James fingers reached up to touch her face, stroke her cheek gently, take away her hurt. His fingers trailed down her cheek, as soft as butterfly wings. The warmth and tenderness in such a soft touch made Lily's breath catch in her throat. She turned her face away from his, hiding in shadow. James curled his fingers into a fist and placed it on his lips. She couldn't know how much that hurt him. For her to be unable to stand looking at him. His insides shredded into a million pieces. He rose from the bed silently and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

James stalked out onto his patio, jaw clenched, fists tight. He tried to sit down on the hammock, only to find he had no patience to sit. He got up and paced across the deck. Why wouldn't she just tell him what happened, what was so hard about that! He'd told her lots of difficult things before! How was this any different! Couldn't she trust him! He braced himself on the railing of the deck. The sight of the sun rising over the ocean stifled his anger, though unwillingly, mainly because anger was easier to deal with than the sting of Lily's actions. He breathed in gently and ruffled his already messy black hair. Hanging his head between his arms he moaned. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was should be the hero, rescuing his fair maiden from pain and suffering and galloping into the sun set. Not standing on the deck, washed up and rejected.

James' fingers burnt from where he stroked Lily's face, wanting, wishing, waiting for that fairy-tale moment where she would throw her arms about him and let him whisk her away from her problems. I guess its unnecessary to say that that moment faded from dream to fantasy, the kind you conjure up at night when you've tried everything to get the one you love to notice you.

James sat down on the hammock, head in hands. He had tried to get her to open up to him, let him in for once, just once, and she shunts him aside once again. I hate karma, James decided, after all these years of pushing girls aside, using there affections to get sex, he'd never actually considered the fact it hurt. Now that he to had been pushed aside, shafted, he could actually realize it hurt, like hell. All this coming back to bite me in the as fucking sucks!

James stood up again and paced the deck again. Hands constantly ruffling his hair. With the sun, fully risen and glowing in the early morning sky James sat on the steps. The cherry sunbeams only making the empty echo inside him more pronounced. Head in hands he sat, greeting the morning with a broken moan.

Yay! I've redone…well changed parts of yet another chapter all in one night!!! And this is the seventh one!! There should be some kinda award for this…

Well if theirs not one for me there's one for you…I'll dedicate the wonderful. glorious chapter **10 **to the person that reviews or at least comments on every last chapter!!! And if I can find a box big enough I'll send the winner Sirius Black…the wonderful glorious god of life love and everything yummy…especially orange soda…yummm orange soda….anyway… do review please please please

-Prongsies


	8. Untouchable

Butterfly wings

Disclaimer: roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so you do not sue.

Chapter eight

James walked carefully into the dark room were the from of a sleeping Lily lay in his bed. With a sigh he placed the Murlap essence on the bedside table. I don't know why I'm even here, the jealous voice in James' head said she doesn't give a dam. But you do, the reasonable side answered. James brushed a stray curl from Lily's pale, bruised cheek. Seeing her laying there made him sick. Now only because someone wanted to hurt her, but because James should have realized it earlier. She never went home other than at summer vacation, she never got any mail, Christmas gifts or family visits, he'd never seen her family at the platform, she never talked of them, ever and every day on the first day of school she came back with a bruise or a black eye, or in second year, a broken arm. He'd always assumed she got into a fight or fell down the stairs, but Lily normally didn't seem clumsy…

A soft moan broke James' train of thought. Glancing downward James noticed Lily was awake. He dabbed the essence on the gash by her hair as her eyelashes fluttered open.

"After yesterday I didn't think you'd be back," she weekly replied.

"You can't keep me away that easily" He said, putting on a false smile, making a poor attempt to disguise his anguish.

Lily smiled weakly and tried to sit up. With a gasp he clapped a hand on her bruised and broken ribs and fell back on the pillow, lips pursed in a tight line. James abandoned cleaning her numerous cuts to pull up her shirt to look at her ribs.

"I'm fine James" Lily lied tugging her shirt down again

"Your lying through your teeth' James retorted

"I'm–I'm fine" Lily persisted.

Ignoring the latest protest he lifted her shirt to expose her rib cage. Not only was her ribs its own Technicolor rainbow but one broken rib had punctured her skin and was bleeding profusely.

"Why didn't you tell me?" James cried as he conjured up bandages to cover her latest wound.

"I didn't want to worry you" she meekly replied.

"Oh don't worry I wouldn't be worried. You only don't contact me for _three_ weeks, turn up on my doorstep bruised and broken with no explanation of how you got that way, lie about ribs sticking out of your skin, push me away the one time you actually need me and lie bluntly to the one person you should trust! Don't worry _Lily_ I wouldn't worry" James shouted venomously.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered softly

"That does a lot," James maliciously snapped.

"Don't you see? This is why I couldn't tell you. I knew you'd react like this" Lily said quietly, tears forming in her eyes.

"I wouldn't react like this if I knew what happened to you! **If you would just tell me god dam it!" **James bellowed as he stood up, his six feet frame towering over her frail body.

"I'm sorry" Lily cried so soft he could barely hear her, tears falling from her bright eyes as she cowered before him, "I'm so sorry"

James' rage faded fast as he saw her before him, afraid of him, of what he became. Looking at himself he wanted to throw up. What the hell was he doing! Turning his back on Lily he left the room. Closing the door behind him he leaned against the wall, whatever he did was the wrong thing, but to do nothing at all was worse. James sank to the floor; he would give anything, anything at all to be anyone else but him. His heart felt like it was put through that muggle contraption the bender or something like that, mulched up till it was barely recognizable.

"Fuck" He said, His head tilted back to the wall "Fuck"

"Podmore discovered more proof behind the rumors Padfoot" Remus whispered to Sirius that night, "Should we tell James?"

"There's no need to worry him yet, there only rumors." Sirius insisted.

"But after yesterdays meeting of the Order…"Remus trailed off

"There still wasn't enough proof to worry James yet." Sirius persisted

"This is really serious, its his life were talking about here " Remus cried

"He's my friend to you know, but he has enough on his mind right now, with Lily and all. Or do you not remember our discussion the day Lily…arrived?"

"Yes Sirius I remember, I just don't want him to get hurt." Remus quietly said before walking in from the porch.

"Nether do I Remus. Nether do I." Sirius commented to the starry night sky.

Ok its kind of a short chapter but I have to finish my philosophy paper for Monday so its as good as its gonna get right now. Speaking of homework I have some for you…my reader dear…it's (you guessed it) REVIEW TIME!!! If you wanna find out

A) What Sirius and Remus were talking about (I gave you hints but there's more than what's there right now)

B) More about Lily's abusive dad, druggie mom, runaway sister and dead brother

C) More Remus and Tonks lovie dovie stuff

D) What James is going to do about Lily

E) QUIDDITCH!

F) Of course com L&J love

G) And last but not least engagement

H) Marriage if I get enough reviews

I) Baby Harry if I get even more

J) And there untimely demise if I get oodles

Alright so review review review please and make Prongsies a very happy writer…

-Prongsies


	9. Another Brick in the wall

Butterfly wings

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so you do not sue

Chapter nine

The last rays of the sun fell from the sky, giving way to the impending black. James reluctantly pulled himself from the front steps. His steps echoed hollowly in the deserted hall. Remus and Sirius out on the full moon, Tonks out with some other girls. Only him and Lily, or what's left of her. He walked up the carpeted stairs to the familiar door of his room. Opening it gently he stood, framed in candlelight, wanting to see her, but knowing if he got any closer he'd only make everything worse.

He sighed, resting his head on the door frame. The echo of his heart throbbing inside him, making him sick and lonely, unbearably so.

James breathed deeply and stepped into the room, the door whispering closed behind him. Laying on the bed, bathed in moonlight lay Lily. Her pale skin like a porcelain doll, glowing and radiant, but cold and hard.

Unable to resist the temptation he stepped up to the side of the massive bed and Ran a finger down her icy cheek. James just stood there, unable to move, even though the pain of looking at her still form was killing him.

For the first time since he met her she wasn't the strong, independent woman he knew, but fragile, vulnerable…breakable. Like if you picked her up, she'd shatter in your hands.

Just looking at her, her red hair curling gently on the pillows, long lashed brushing her cheeks, red lips almost smiling, his heart broke again. All anger, disappointment, regret he'd felt vanished, to leave him emptier than before. Standing before her, bare, blank, hollow, wanting one thing, one simple thing, more than anything he'd ever wanted before, but knowing he'd never be able to get it. Like a never-ending winter without Christmas. The raw feeling of realizing this made his heart sink further. She was here, before him, real and living, but un-touchable. James breath shook as he touched her cheek and kissed her forehead tenderly, one last time before leaving her.

The sun greeted James sitting on the porch again, un-able to sleep but wanting to let everything to just drift away. It was the fifth, or was it sixth night he hadn't slept? He was too tired to count or care. But morning after morning found him here. He rubbed his puffy eyes and ruffled his unkempt hair once more before going inside. Closing the door he lent up against it, head back, bracing himself for whatever awaited him in yet another day of his life.

He sighed and braced the door, not wanting to move, but knowing as hard as he tried he couldn't shut out the world, it would only find him again and again. Not like it mattered anymore. After all what was he, its not like he made any significant difference, he, like just about anyone was just another brick in the wall.

Just another brick in the wall.

With this thought James sank to the floor. Balancing his head on his knees he groaned. What did it matter anymore? It's not like he's different, special in some way to anyone. The one person he actually let through the wall he'd built around his heart left him here. Tormented, anguished, torn.

His self pity party was interrupted by the memory of Lily lying there, on his bed, motionless and cold. It wasn't really her fault. She didn't do this to herself. No one does. It's simply a twist of fate. Or an act of god, the un-reasonable part of his mind sneered.

James used to believe in god, heaven, angels, love. But that was before reality set in. If there was really a god, why was he alone? Why did his sister die? Or his mother? Or father? Why was Lily in the bed up stairs? Why was Remus a werewolf? Why were there pain, suffering, and torment? Because you wouldn't actually be alive without those feelings, the reasonable side of James softly commented. Brushing that thought aside. James rose and yanked out the door. Walking to the edge of the ocean James ripped the golden cross off his neck. That cross had been given to him after his first communion, right before his family died. Some good it did them. Looking at it he could almost see his mother, father and baby sister in there coffins being lowered into the ground, Lily lying on his bed, out cold, himself sitting in front of the door in the dark hall. If there was really a god where was he now! Why were there people dying, in pain, fighting, alone and lost, wasn't he supposed to be a light in the world. Some light.

"Just another brick in the wall" James muttered as he chucked the cross into the ocean. As it glittered in the morning sun James screamed. It echoed in the empty cove, revealing to the world his pain, grief, isolation before disappearing into the big blue sky.

James sunk to his knees on the warm sand beach, the early morning rays of sun casting into sharp relief the lines in his face.

"Just another brick in he wall"

Alrighty its kinda short but fat (contents wise) and it almost hurt to write 'cause I've been there…so I called it quits early and I'll update later this week if I can…

Well now that I've finished this rather painful chapter LOVE ME… HUG ME… FEED ME… REVIEW FOR ME…

Please please please with a cherry on top?!?!

-Prongsies


	10. Cherry flavored jello

Butterfly wings

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so you do not sue.

Chapter 10

Well since I can I'm dedicating this chapter to Kinaki Xavier who realized that fan fiction is all about applying it to reality… true every story can't be completely serious with not even an inkling of magic but if you can take what you read and notice it in day to day life than it means something. Thanks Kinaki Xavier.

Oh and by the way I'm trying a new writing style in this chapter… more random and comedic…tell me if you like it…if you do I'll use it more and if not I'll use it more none the less… j/k but tell me anyway.

Anyway onward to Chapter 10

The rays of the pre dawn sun were just inching over the horizon when they discovered Lily Evans sitting on the balcony attached to the Master Bedroom at James' summer home. Now it was quite a shock for the sun to see someone out this early, mind you the moon could tell you she was there all night. However, since the sun and moon rarely get a chance to catch up on each others lives the moon didn't. It wouldn't have been bad for the sun just to find someone there but to find a someone there crying was something entirely different. Lily Evans was watching the sun rise over the great blue sea, tears trickling down her alabaster skin much like a leaking hosepipe. Her auburn hair curling freely down her back was reflecting the Technicolor rainbow that was the sky at 5:30 am, almost like the Pink Floyd album dark side of the moon.

Anyway she was there, thinking, mostly about leaving. However, having not much money and no job, where she would go presented a minor problem. If she went to Tonks' Tonks would tell James and James would come barging over and demand what happened and for her to return with him. She could go to Remus, but the same scenario would happen. She didn't have enough money to rent, buy or lease an apartment, had no living relatives other than her dear old dad (if you could call him that) and the oh-so pleasant Petunia (who eloped years ago with Vernon) she certainly couldn't stay here. She didn't know what James would do if she continued her oath of silence. She loved him so much it almost hurt to do this in fact it did hurt. So much she could've sworn some wild animal was eating her inside out. She couldn't bare to hurt him more, or continue to hurt him in this fashion. No matter the consequences to herself.

Lily dried her eyes, drew a deep breath and stood. Standing on the patio watching the sun rise filled her with hope, love, pain… it was hard to tell one from the other anymore. More than anything she just wanted to end this all just throw herself at the ocean for a brief flight threw the early morning sky. However, her lack of wings would cut that flight just a little bit short… mind you that was kinda the point. Stop living… stop feeling… stop hurting every single person that came near her. Every time she looked into James' eyes she could see what she was doing to him. Her very existence hurt him so much. Not to mention what she was doing to Remus and Tonks, her very best friends. Sirius too.

God, I can't do this, Lily decided after perching on the rail for a moment, seriously thinking about just how easy it would be to make all this be over, end it now before she hurt anyone any more. Turning off the balcony she dug through James' desk till she found parchment and a quill. Pausing for a moment before staining the parchment with her inky words she recalled all the fun they'd had over the years. The time they'd had a really big whipped cream fight, eating breakfast on the roof of Hogwarts watching the sun rise, sneaking into Hogsmead for butter beer, replacing all the tea cups on the Slytherin table with nose biting kinds, her and James' first kiss… Forgetting the seriousness of the situation Lily smiled despite herself. After all this she doubted James would want to get anywhere near her but still one day he might understand this was for him. Sighing sadly she began marring the paper with her words;

_James,_

_I'm sorry I had to do this. I really am, but I'm leaving because I love you. I love you so much I can't bare to hurt you more than I already am. I hope one day you might understand this is for you, but even if you don't it doesn't matter. By the time you get this I'll be long gone. Just know even if I'm not with you that I love you, always have and I always will. Look after Remus and Sirius for me, make sure they don't get in more trouble than they already are in. Tonks too, she won't understand. I doubt I'll ever see you guys again but I'll remember you and all the fun we've had over the years. _

_All my love,_

_Lily Evans_

Her breath shook as she placed the paper on the neatly made bed. It was rather hard to read now as her salty tears smudged the inky words but it didn't matter much. She was going, where? She wasn't quite sure yet but she'll find a way. With a flick of her wrist she closed the door and slinked down the stairs, her feet whispering her intentions to the dark house. Sliding almost soundlessly out and onto the paved pathway. Holding her head high she walked away from her past without a second glance.

The sun found another person out rather early for the middle of the summer. This one in a particularly different situation. Not crying nor attempting to fly, but staring up at the big blue sky wondering. Mostly about life, mind you many people do that, but this one was different. Not only was he rather hot (most hot people would be lying in a bed with a beautiful girl beside him, or man depending on his sexual preference) but he wasn't drunk, stoned, high or otherwise incapable of productive notions. He was in Love. And Hate. And Confusion. Mind you life is normally all those three emotions stuck in a blender and molded into the universe. This person, lets call him Bob (because I like that name…) was confused about why life was the way it is. There doesn't have to be pain or agony, there could be love and happiness all the time, but then you'd never appreciate any of the good times if you didn't have to have bad times with them… I guess. Nevertheless, if you didn't have to hurt so much that the bad times wouldn't be so bad would they. However, if you couldn't feel than you wouldn't be living and if you weren't living you wouldn't feel anything at all as you'd be dead. None the less it still hurt. A lot. Too much for his preferences but you never can get what you want all the time can you. Bob never did. Mind you the eye candy laying on the beach wondering about the secrets of the universe wasn't named Bob, seeing as his mum didn't like the name much and his father thought the name Bob was as bland as mashed turnips (alas if only mashed turnips had as little flavor as the name Bob did… but they don't.)

His name was James Potter.

And there he lay wondering why life hurt so dreadfully much and after thinking on the same subject for the whole night and well into the pre dawn he was right where he left off… hungry… oh and still confused but that's a give in considering that the universe is controlled by someone with a … odd sense of humor… after all there is such thing as a platypus. But no matter. Life's harsh. James after all knew that, after having his whole family other than him die around him, including his baby sister. But the past is what is it. No changing that. Mind you the future is kinda like jell-o. Its there and you can make your way through it, but it requires a lot of hard work and a little perseverance. It's possible, but hard. James was 19 after all. He'd made it through 19 bowls of the stuff with more to come but he wasn't giving up yet. There are some times when the jell-o is the grossest flavor ever made. It just makes you sick. However, there are times when its cherry or watermelon flavored and you can't get enough of it. On the other hand, life isn't all black and white. There are times when its gray grayer and grayest. This was one of those times. When you just want to wake up and have it all be a dream. Nevertheless, you can't wake up from life if you're already awake. Believe me, James tried. He had the pinch marks on his arms to prove it. Therefore, after pondering this for the longest night of James' life he decided to do something about this really gross bowl of jell-o. Not that he was eating jell-o, though he was hungry enough to, but he was slogging through it in the paths of life. Consequently, James got up and slogged though the sand into the house. The day just beginning meant the house was cool and empty. Not a sound but the sighs of that contented house, which was munching its was though a cherry flavored bowl of life today seeing as Sirius and Remus were out. James drifted into the kitchen to make coffee when he heard a distinct sound, or rather lack of it. He wasn't supposed to be alone in here Lily was here to. He sauntered up the stairs to the room where she slept, or was supposed to. The room was empty, the patio doors open letting in the scent of the sea. The curtains billowing in the empty room made the spotless cleanness of it even more drastic. James' stomach dropped when he saw the bed perfectly made and suffering a severe lack of Lily in it. Running over to the bed he saw the parchment with the smudged words blurring across it. After suffering through the heart breaking words encrypted on it James fell to the floor. How was her leaving him for his own good? How could she think that?

She though that my silence was her fault! He realized with a start. Oh god. James hit his head on his bed. He drove her away when he should have been there for her. Because of her own stupidity she was running away from everything she loved. Her entire life. And it was him that did it. Yanking himself off the floor he ran to the patio to meat the cherry sun beaming with pride over the blue sea. Bracing himself on the railing he shouted to the entire valley below him the sound of a heart breaking.


	11. Emily

Butterfly Wings

Disclaimer: roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry so you do not sue.

Chapter Twelve

Walking down the familiar streets of Surrey, Lily hummed a simple melody, occasionally adding some lyrics. As she walked she remembered. The bench she sat on when she received her Hogwarts letter, her favorite place to write her songs in the cave in wild honeysuckle hedge that surrounded the park, the place she watched Petunia run away… it all brought back memories, both good and bad but memories all the same. She'd been running from them for so long, running from her past, her family, herself and what she became. Trying to escape from the very essence that made her Lily Evans.

Lily sat on the rusted spray painted swings, smiling faintly. It was time she returned, time she visited the graves she had been haunted by all her life. Rubbing the scars of her childhood on her arms, partly out of habit and partly out of being here again, breathing in the coal tarnished air, walking the grungy paths of her forgotten youth again. Pushing herself gently with her foot she sighed a bittersweet sigh. It was time she let this go, let it die once and for all. Free herself from the emotional baggage she had once sacrificed her life for.

Gentle creaking of the swing filled the almost quiet night, apart from the sirens echoing in the deserted town, everything was still. Or as tranquil as it got in the early hours of a weekday morning. Tilting her body back Lily watched the ground fly by, making way for the night sky, and the ground recovering enough to cover the sky from view again. With the stars wheeling overhead and the ground speeding by beneath her Lily laughed beside herself. Sitting upright again and stopping suddenly Lily listened to the echo of laughter. Her breathing quickening and eyes watching around her warily, till a smile slipped into those bright green pools once more. Despite herself she giggled. It had been so long since she was happy enough to laugh, a real laugh, one filled with sunshine, warm weather, white sand beaches and sun ripened cherries.

On a whim Lily rose from the swing and walked the well worn path to the honeysuckle hedge. Bending down into the shadows, Lily crawled into the seemingly invisible cave in the invincible hedge. Though slightly overgrown but not enough to stop her five foot five frame Lily crawled down a narrow tunnel, burying deep into the hedge. The light from the street lamp couldn't penetrate this indestructible hedge. The old vines caught her thick red hair and grabbed hold of her clothing but regardless of the minor scratches to her arms and face she pressed on.

The narrow tunnel gave way to a large cavern edged in honeysuckle bows. In the middle, aglow in moonlight lay an old leather bound book. The scent of the age old paper filled her nose with memories of nights in shining armor, mighty battles, powerful kings and queens and sweet sweet love untainted and true. Lily's fingers traced the embroidering on the cover.

"Lillian Emily Evans" 

Lily smiled remembering her grandmother, the giver of the book. The smell of her hair, the leathery touch of her skin, her laugh ringing loud and clear. It seamed like only yesterday she died, when in reality it had been over a decade. Lily ran her fingers over her cheeks, remembering her grandmothers very touch, smell, sound. She let a smile stray across her face as she remembered the spunky old lady, unbroken and strong, even after her only child became pregnant at fifteen and a drug and alcohol user with an abusive husband and run away habits. Throughout all this she remained strong. Like I should be, like I will be, like I am though Lily fiercely. With a gentle hand Lily opened the book, the scent of vanilla and soil mingling in her nose. Her eyes took in the neat old cursive winding its way down the page.

_"the moonlight rolls down like a river,_

_The silence streams out like a sea;_

_And far where the eastern winds quiver,_

_My farewell goes floating to thee._

_Like night, when the sunset is fading_

_And starbeams troop up in the skies,_

_Through a cold, dark and lonely forever_

_Gleams the light of the poet eyes._

_And sometimes when I am weary,_

_When the path is thorny and Wild,_

_I'll look back to the Eyes in the twilight,_

_Back to the eyes that smiled._

_And pray that a wreath like a rainbow_

_May slip from the beautiful past,_

_And Crown me again with the sweet, strong love_

_And keep me, and hold me fast._

_For the way is not strown with petal soft,_

_It is covered with hearts that weep,_

_And the wounds I tread touch a deeper source_

_Than you think it mine to keep._

_Down the years I shall move without you,_

_Yet ever must feel the blow_

_That caused me a deeper pain to give_

_Than you will ever know._

_For the tears that dropped on my hands that night_

_'Neath the mystical shining moon,_

_Were a sacred dew, consecrated there,_

_On the rose-altered heart of June._

_And the heart that beat against mine like a bird_

_That is fluttering, wounded sore,_

_With it's nest all broken, deserted, torn,_

_Will beat there forevermore._

_But the world moves on, and the piteous Earth_

_Still groans in the monster pain;_

_And the star that leads me points onward yet,_

_Though the red drops fall like rain._

_I do not shrink, though a wave of pain_

_Sobs over me now and then,_

_As I think of those "saddest of all sad words,"_

_The pitiful "might have been."_

_"It might have been"--it is not to be;_

_And the tones of your "swan's farewell"_

_Ring sadly, solemnly deep to me_

_Like the voice of a sobbing bell._

_Ay, gather your petals and take them back_

_To the dead heart under the dew;_

_And crown it again with the red love bloom,_

_For the dead are always true._

_But go not "back to the sediment"_

_In the slime of the moaning sea,_

_For a better world belongs to you,_

_And a better friend to me."_

Silent tears fell from Lily's eyes as she read the words she wrote there years ago. She could still feel the sting of his fist, the stench of his breath, the taste of blood in her mouth. All the poison that had filled her throughout her youth spilled out, falling on the now smudged words of her pain, hate, love, confusion, life.

Sitting in the grove in the honeysuckle drenched in moonlight she realized what she had to do to free herself from the binds that held her, imprisoned her all her life. Her face calm with grim purpose she left that hidden grove and followed the dirt path out of the park, the swing still creaking softly in the silhouetted moonlight.

Alrighty then, its kinda short but it'll have to tide you over till I finish my science project. I really hate middle school teachers. Anyways tell me what you think about the latest developments in lily regaining control of her life and stuff. I haven't gotten a flamer so if you're a flamer kinda person and you don't like my stuff do tell me… its like ego management and is defiantly for the best.

Oh by the way I didn't write the poem. My stuff never rhymes like that… way to much thought involved for me… anyways its by Voltairine deCleyre's its called And Thou Too and was written in St. Johns, Michigan, 1888. Since I found a site of his stuff I'll probably include more 'cause his metaphors and the overall flow is pretty good in my opinion. If you don't think so do tell me or give me another suggestion for poetry.

-Prongsies


	12. Starbeams

Butterfly Wings

Disclaimer: roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry so you do not sue.

Chapter Twelve

Walking down the familiar streets of Surrey, Lily hummed a simple melody, occasionally adding some lyrics. As she walked she remembered. The bench she sat on when she received her Hogwarts letter, her favorite place to write her songs in the cave in wild honeysuckle hedge that surrounded the park, the place she watched Petunia run away… it all brought back memories, both good and bad but memories all the same. She'd been running from them for so long, running from her past, her family, herself and what she became. Trying to escape from the very essence that made her Lily Evans.

Lily sat on the rusted spray painted swings, smiling faintly. It was time she returned, time she visited the graves she had been haunted by all her life. Rubbing the scars of her childhood on her arms, partly out of habit and partly out of being here again, breathing in the coal tarnished air, walking the grungy paths of her forgotten youth again. Pushing herself gently with her foot she sighed a bittersweet sigh. It was time she let this go, let it die once and for all. Free herself from the emotional baggage she had once sacrificed her life for.

Gentle creaking of the swing filled the almost quiet night, apart from the sirens echoing in the deserted town, everything was still. Or as tranquil as it got in the early hours of a weekday morning. Tilting her body back Lily watched the ground fly by, making way for the night sky, and the ground recovering enough to cover the sky from view again. With the stars wheeling overhead and the ground speeding by beneath her Lily laughed beside herself. Sitting upright again and stopping suddenly Lily listened to the echo of laughter. Her breathing quickening and eyes watching around her warily, till a smile slipped into those bright green pools once more. Despite herself she giggled. It had been so long since she was happy enough to laugh, a real laugh, one filled with sunshine, warm weather, white sand beaches and sun ripened cherries.

On a whim Lily rose from the swing and walked the well worn path to the honeysuckle hedge. Bending down into the shadows, Lily crawled into the seemingly invisible cave in the invincible hedge. Though slightly overgrown but not enough to stop her five foot five frame Lily crawled down a narrow tunnel, burying deep into the hedge. The light from the street lamp couldn't penetrate this indestructible hedge. The old vines caught her thick red hair and grabbed hold of her clothing but regardless of the minor scratches to her arms and face she pressed on.

The narrow tunnel gave way to a large cavern edged in honeysuckle bows. In the middle, aglow in moonlight lay an old leather bound book. The scent of the age old paper filled her nose with memories of nights in shining armor, mighty battles, powerful kings and queens and sweet sweet love untainted and true. Lily's fingers traced the embroidering on the cover.

"Lillian Emily Evans" 

Lily smiled remembering her grandmother, the giver of the book. The smell of her hair, the leathery touch of her skin, her laugh ringing loud and clear. It seamed like only yesterday she died, when in reality it had been over a decade. Lily ran her fingers over her cheeks, remembering her grandmothers very touch, smell, sound. She let a smile stray across her face as she remembered the spunky old lady, unbroken and strong, even after her only child became pregnant at fifteen and a drug and alcohol user with an abusive husband and run away habits. Throughout all this she remained strong. Like I should be, like I will be, like I am though Lily fiercely. With a gentle hand Lily opened the book, the scent of vanilla and soil mingling in her nose. Her eyes took in the neat old cursive winding its way down the page.

_"the moonlight rolls down like a river,_

_The silence streams out like a sea;_

_And far where the eastern winds quiver,_

_My farewell goes floating to thee._

_Like night, when the sunset is fading_

_And starbeams troop up in the skies,_

_Through a cold, dark and lonely forever_

_Gleams the light of the poet eyes._

_And sometimes when I am weary,_

_When the path is thorny and Wild,_

_I'll look back to the Eyes in the twilight,_

_Back to the eyes that smiled._

_And pray that a wreath like a rainbow_

_May slip from the beautiful past,_

_And Crown me again with the sweet, strong love_

_And keep me, and hold me fast._

_For the way is not strown with petal soft,_

_It is covered with hearts that weep,_

_And the wounds I tread touch a deeper source_

_Than you think it mine to keep._

_Down the years I shall move without you,_

_Yet ever must feel the blow_

_That caused me a deeper pain to give_

_Than you will ever know._

_For the tears that dropped on my hands that night_

_'Neath the mystical shining moon,_

_Were a sacred dew, consecrated there,_

_On the rose-altered heart of June._

_And the heart that beat against mine like a bird_

_That is fluttering, wounded sore,_

_With it's nest all broken, deserted, torn,_

_Will beat there forevermore._

_But the world moves on, and the piteous Earth_

_Still groans in the monster pain;_

_And the star that leads me points onward yet,_

_Though the red drops fall like rain._

_I do not shrink, though a wave of pain_

_Sobs over me now and then,_

_As I think of those "saddest of all sad words,"_

_The pitiful "might have been."_

_"It might have been"--it is not to be;_

_And the tones of your "swan's farewell"_

_Ring sadly, solemnly deep to me_

_Like the voice of a sobbing bell._

_Ay, gather your petals and take them back_

_To the dead heart under the dew;_

_And crown it again with the red love bloom,_

_For the dead are always true._

_But go not "back to the sediment"_

_In the slime of the moaning sea,_

_For a better world belongs to you,_

_And a better friend to me."_

Silent tears fell from Lily's eyes as she read the words she wrote there years ago. She could still feel the sting of his fist, the stench of his breath, the taste of blood in her mouth. All the poison that had filled her throughout her youth spilled out, falling on the now smudged words of her pain, hate, love, confusion, life.

Sitting in the grove in the honeysuckle drenched in moonlight she realized what she had to do to free herself from the binds that held her, imprisoned her all her life. Her face calm with grim purpose she left that hidden grove and followed the dirt path out of the park, the swing still creaking softly in the silhouetted moonlight.

Alrighty then, its kinda short but it'll have to tide you over till I finish my science project. I really hate middle school teachers. Anyways tell me what you think about the latest developments in lily regaining control of her life and stuff. I haven't gotten a flamer so if you're a flamer kinda person and you don't like my stuff do tell me… its like ego management and is defiantly for the best.

Oh by the way I didn't write the poem. My stuff never rhymes like that… way to much thought involved for me… anyways its by Voltairine deCleyre's its called And Thou Too and was written in St. Johns, Michigan, 1888. Since I found a site of his stuff I'll probably include more 'cause his metaphors and the overall flow is pretty good in my opinion. If you don't think so do tell me or give me another suggestion for poetry.

-Prongsies


	13. Internal Bleeding

Butterfly Wings

Disclaimer: roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so you do not sue.

Well I didn't like the original Chapter thirteen so I made some changes…

This chapter is still dedicated to Gretch for a really good review and advice we should all take.

Chapter Thirteen

The first rays of the sun greeted Lily Evans as she walked determinedly through Surreys streets. A hard edge interfered with the normal sparkle of those trademark emerald eyes. Her jaw determined and body rigid she walked through those lonely streets as if bracing herself against an invisible enemy. Empty beer cans and sheets of lined paper blew down the empty streets, signs of humanity unseen. Cool winds whipped around her, auburn hair mingling with dusty air as fire with sand. Gray clouds guarded the sun from sight as rain began to fall. Those tears from heaven winding their way down her cheeks. Her clothes wet with rain hung off her small frame as she stood, face towards the sky, arms outstretched. Cold winds whipping her already wet stringy hair about her face, salty tears mingling with rain. With a deep breath and a shaky step she began again, solitary figure marching into the feared unknown.

James opened the door with a slam rain dripping off his body onto the carpet and pooling at his feet. Ruffling the loose rain from his hair he joined the party at the table poring over old maps. There musty smell mingled with sea spray as curtains billowed at the open windows, flapping in the wind. James could almost smell the scent of her skin, her hair, her lips in the growing storm. All the more reason to find her, he though to himself.

"Ok fill me in," he said."

"Remus explained to us that she ran away after getting severely injured. I though she would be safe here so I didn't interfere then, but as she is here no longer, I am." Dumbledor said hurriedly returning to the maps.

"Well Lily wouldn't be strong enough yet to Apperate and she had no money so…" Mrs. Weasley said thoughtfully.

"She doesn't have any family members in London does she?" Moody asked.

"Not that she mentioned at any of the meetings since summer began" Podmore returned.

"She has a dad. Living in Surry" James said pulling the map from the dusty pile.

"So how do we find her? I mean Surreys not exactly small is it?" Sirius said stroking his chin.

"Wait, in history of magic Bins once mentioned something about scrying?" James added glancing at Dumbeldor. Catching his train of though Dumbeldor began searching wildly through his many pockets in the night sky trench coat he was wearing. Pulling an opalescent jewel wrapped in silver vines from his pocket he held it close to his lips whispering words to it in a language James had never heard before.

The jewel swayed aimlessly for a moment, being blown about by the salty wind. It stopped suddenly over Third Street and Elm. Everyone watched the charm in collective silence for a moment, breathlessly. When it didn't move again they shared a collective look. With an ear splitting crack the assembled guests disappeared.

Lily paused at the door of an old apartment building, fingers pressed against the grimy glass. Her heart pounding in her chest, breaths coming in short scared gasps. Lily pressed her lips tight together, suppressing the quivering of her body. With a deep breath she pushed open the door. The smell of burnt food, boiled cabbage and cheap cleaning solution assaulted her nose. The chipped counter in the lobby empty Lily walked across the worn carpet to the stair case in the corner. The smell, though lessened in the sealed spiral made her heart ache even more. Shaking her head to clear it she walked up that lonesome stairway, rain dripping off her body and footsteps echoing in the concrete tomb.

After what seemed like hours Lily stopped at a pea green door, chipped and faded from years of use. With a gulp she opened it. It was just as she remembered. Walls of white, carpet gray and faded, echo of television programs and the smell of smoke and bacon hitting her like a stake in the heart. She remembered waking up to that smell and the sight of her father passed out on the couch, the sound of her mother watching TV, stoned, the sight of this long white hall replaying nightly in her dreams, the stench of his breath, the sound of shouting and fist hitting flesh, the taste of smoke in the air. All things she'd been trying to forget but only remembering again and again.

She sighed.

It was time.

She opened the door to the sound of the TV and the smell of beer and cigarette smoke. Trash spread about on the floor, broken dishes and windows decorating it. The sight of the mirror her grandmother gave her for her eighth birthday lay shattered on the floor at her feet. She could see her reflection in it, a forlorn sight of a stringy haired red head, clothes soggy with rain, eyes filled with the shadows of years of abuse. The bent down to pick up a piece, holding it in her fist, edges pressing against her palm as sweat mingled with a trickling of blood.

"Dad." Lily said her voice hoarse. Her dad didn't move as the television played on, laughter of a taped audience filling the musty room.

"Dad" she repeated with a little more confidence.

Still no answer.

She walked through the months of garbage on the floor and turned off the television. Standing in front of the mass of flesh and alcohol on the couch.

"Dad," she said again.

"Whadda want," he rumbled venomously.

"I wanted to talk," she said with feigned calmness

"I don't," he said bluntly.

Lily ignored his last comment. "So Dad… do you have a job or anything" she asked, trying small talk without success.

"Why do you wanna know" he said as his massive body pulled itself off the ramshackle couch, "You wanna take my money too" he snarled poking his chubby finger into her chest hard enough to bruise.

"No, I just want to make sure you are ok" she said, pushing his hand aside.

"I'm an adult I can take care of myself thank you very much," he said, pushing her backwards in to the television stand. Righting herself Lily replied, "well you couldn't when I was little and you sure as hell can't now" gesturing about the messy room.

"You'll show the proper respect to your father, Lily," he said, emphasizing the last word mockingly.

"What father" she asked calmly, her tone icy, eyes hard.

Lily's Father growled and yanked her hair.

"I've spent my whole life dedicated to you and what to you give me back?" He bellowed angrily.

"Nothing more than you deserve," Lily retorted "you did nothing for me, I raised myself and my brother on my own"

"And look where that got him, DEAD!" he hollered. "My only son" he said shaking her by her hair. Lily pulled herself from his grasp and stepped backwards, stumbling over an empty beer bottle. "Better dead than ending up like you" she said softly.

Lily's dad huffed and lurched towards her, slamming her body, head first, into the wall, denting the plaster and drywall. Eyes steely and lips thin Lily plunged the shard of mirror into her dads chest, warm blood pooling onto her icy hands. With a gasp her father stumbled backwards, falling onto the floor, hand clutching the blood pouring from his chest. His eyes echoing fear, anger and above all surprise as they blinked once before the shaking of his body stopped, breath ceasing from his lips. Lily stood there for a moment, bloody glass in hand, chest shaking, throat tight. The mirror tumbled from her bloody hand, falling soundlessly onto the red/orange carpet, reflecting her blood stained fingertips. Looking at her fathers eyes, opened in surprise now glassy and lifeless, pushed her feet out the door, through the white hall and into the rainy morning streets.

An oddly dressed group of people mostly in their early thirties stood on the corner of a deserted street at half past five in the morning. Rain soaked and scared they stood, their faces as grim as the stormy skies above. With no one about and nothing to lose they ran to the dilapidated building before them. Wrenching open the filthy door they bolted up the ramshackle stairs and flew through the corroder.

"Which one" James bellowed at the head of the pack.

"Thirteen" Dumbledor returned

Sprinting through the derelict hall he slammed right through the old wooden door to find the room empty. Confused he stopped, breath catching in his throat. As blood began to pool by the couch corner James noticed its dark red presence. His feel pulling themselves from their formerly rooted spot drifted towards the couch. On the floor, spread eagled and coated in blood lay Lily's father, eyes glassy and clouded. By a dented wall James saw a shard of mirror, covered in blood laying their as silent testimony of that morning. James' feet whispered their way across the carped and towards that blood stained shard. Gentle fingers picked it up. It lay there, reflecting florescent lights and stained ceiling tiles as he simply stared at it. His fist closed on that small shard. Holding his fist to his mouth James took one look at that scene and the fear echoed in Dumbeldor's eyes and bolted from the room.

Running down the empty white hall and concrete stairs he ran into the rain. Tears merging with cold sweat and water winded there way his cheeks as he ran. Not exactly knowing where he was going just knowing that he had to find her. His feet thumped on the cold gray road as rain fell soundlessly about him. The only thing he could hear was the pounding of his heart and the gasping of his breath. The road winded itself around another block of run down buildings before opening up to a seemingly empty stretch of road and bridge. The lions at its entrance a faded reminder of grander times now stood guarding a chipped and faded roadway, paved with the dreams of people generations before, now ground into its very foundation. James saw this bridge and stopped. On the edge of a bridge he saw the silhouette of young girl, an eerie resemblance to the angel to death, red hair curling down her back, skin alabaster white and black clothes sodden with rain. Her arms opened to the sky and face turned to God, pleading in silent prayer.

James walked towards her, footsteps sounding loud in the pre dawn. As he neared her he could see the watery blood running down her hands and the deep scars of the past, bright red on her arms and wrists. His tender fingers ran down her arm, causing her to turn towards him. The reflection in her eyes was all James needed. He pulled himself up on to the rail of the bridge. They stood there in silence, watching the rains ripples on the rivers surface. Lily turned to face him again, tears falling quietly from her eyes. James ran a finger down her cold white cheek before wrapping long arms around her. She clung to him, her body trembling as tears ran from her eyes. They stood there, alone in the early morning, as rain fell from the sky, washing the blood from her body away and into the river. As the gray clouds shifted and turned above them James lifted Lily off the bridge edge. Fingering the blood stained glass fragment James saw his reflection in it and that of Lily, eyes filled with pain and hardship. With one last glance he tossed the fragment into the river. Rain flashing on its surface as if fell through the sky and into the black churning waters. James jumped down and wrapping his arms around Lily's small frame they walked down the road together, backs turned to Surry, walking away from that cursed place one and for all, letting it go.


	14. Butterfly Wings

Disclaimer: roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry so you don't sue.

This is the last chapter of Butterfly Wings. I will be writing another story soon but this one is finished.

Psst if you haven't already read the new chapter thirteen I strongly suggest you do…

Thank you to all who reviewed its great to see such support from so many of you.

Alright here you go the very last chapter of Butterfly Wings

Chapter fourteen

Sweat sea breeze blew in the open windows, white curtains billowing in the wind. The sugary smell of the cherry tree in bloom floated on the air. The suns late morning rays warmed the bodies laying in the white canopy bed as they slept peacefully wrapped in each others arms.

James Potter shifted slightly and sighed as he buried his face in to sweet smelling auburn hair. Opening his bright hazel eyes he gazed at the body lying serenely in his arms. Red hair curling softly around her milky white face, long lashes closed over emerald eyes; red lips parted slightly revealing white teeth. With one arm wrapped around one of his shoulders and the other on his chest she lay nestled in his arms content to lay there for eternity. The only difference in what James saw and what he knew was there were the angry red slashes marking both wrists and arms. As Lily Evans shifted in her sleep her arms turned about, scars glowing red against pale white skin, silent testimony to her past.

His soft fingers wound there way down her arm, pausing to gently caress the gashes across her wrist, causing green eyes to open. A sweet smile parted her juicy red lips as she moved to cuddle in to James chest more, conveniently hiding the cuts from view. Thankfully James noted none of those scars were new, but the very presence reminded him of the fateful morning three weeks ago. Pushing that thought out of his mind he wound his fingers into her curly red hair.

"You know James" she said contentedly to his chest, not bothering to lift her head, "one of these days you might want to go to Quidditch practice, I can take care of myself for one afternoon and anyways I don't want you getting kicked off the team on my account." James chuckled to himself as he tightened his grip on her small frame pulling her closer to him.

"And miss this?" he asked running nimble fingers down the outside of Lily's thigh and up her side, pausing stoke her cheek.

"James…" she said eyes glinting with humor but tone proving otherwise.

"I quit," he said bluntly.

"What" Lily asked, startled as she sat up rigidly.

"I quit the team," James said following suit.

"Why" she said, face blank

"I realized it wasn't what I really wanted" When a look of confusion was all he got from Lily he continued "Quidditch is great and all but we don't need the money I'd get from playing professional, when play is your work it isn't play anymore. Doing it professionally meant I couldn't and wouldn't do it just for fun, which is why I play Quidditch in the first place. Anyways there are way more worthwhile things I could be doing with my life"

"Such as" Lily asked, face still emotionless.

"Well I've been wanting to run this idea past you for a long time but kept putting it off" He began

"Like your doing now," she asked half smiling

"Exactly" he replied grinning back at her, "My Mum and Dad had an estate just outside London. 30 rooms, 18 bedrooms, 7 bath, Kitchen, Dining room, recreation room, Great room, whole bit, swimming pool too. It's been in our family for generations, it used to house the entire Potter family, including grandkids, all 20 of us. Anyways I wanted to turn it into a home for abused children. You know a place where they can live, short or long term, to recuperate and just, be a real kid." James finished, looking into Lily's thoughtful jade eyes.

After a half second pause Lily smiled "I love it" She grinned up at him. James wrapped his big arms around her and hugged her tightly, Lips brushing hers gently. Her long fingers wrapped around his neck and entwined in his hair he kissed her tenderly, eyes filled with longing. He released her from his tight grasp and looked into her clear emerald eyes. His fingers trailed there way down her face, over the cuts and scars left from her father. As he ran his fingers down a particularly large one from the day her little brother died Lily cringed and stiffened a bit. James seeing this stopped his fingers decent.

"Your so beautiful" he murmured

"Not with that" she said, shifting her eyes from his

"Lily you only see the scars, cuts and all the pain you've been through, but what you don't see is that you've made it through, a little worse for where its true, but alive and as well if not better than to be expected. You're doing something with your life, which is more than your father or sister can say for themselves" He said, his fingers still paused over the scar. "Regardless of what you think your beautiful, inside and out to me" He sighed, hand cupped around cheek, lips against ear. "Now come let me make you breakfast" He pulled himself out of bed and offered an arm to his lady love.

Sirius and Remus sat in the corner booth of an almost deserted pub deep in whispered discussion

"_He's _getting closer to James and Lily" Remus said, voice low

"I know but I don't want to worry James right now. James is strong enough and protected enough _he'll _never get anywhere near"

"I still think we should do the Fidleous Charm before it's too late" Remus said, voice edged with urgency

"What so you can be Secret Keeper" Sirius said venomously

"No so my best friend will live to see his 22 birthday" Remus replied with equal venom "Grow up Sirius this is James' life were talking about. After the Snape incident in fifth year I would have though you'd value a life more now, please prove me right" he said almost pleading.

Sirius sighed as his shoulders fell. "Alright what do you propose we do?" he asked hopelessly.

"The Fidleous Charm" Remus replied immediately "If you don't trust me as Secret Keeper do it yourself." Sirius thought about this for a moment before replying "No I can't be, _he _knows how close I am to James and will suspect me. Dumbeldor too."

"So who do you suggest?" Remus questioned

"What about Pettigrew?" Sirius asked in undertone

"Pettigrew?" Remus asked "I haven't seen him in months, we don't know what he's up too, who he works with or hangs out with and face it we could never really trust him at school, but now with James' life?" Remus asked struggling to keep his voice quiet.

"I know but it's the last thing _he'll _suspect right?" Sirius responded with a note of anxiety in his voice. Remus thought about this for a moment before agreeing rather desolately.

Sirius got up and left the pub without another word. Remus sat there a moment, staring at the dirty glasses, chipped wooden table and worn leather seats, stuffing coming out in places as he thought about the possible ends to this situation. As the door opened and closed again with a swish and a flicker of light Remus muttered softly 'I do hope your right, for James' sake" as he threw a couple sickles on the table and walked from the smoky dusty pub and into the bright afternoon sky.

James eased open the large ornate wooden doors letting the bright afternoon light fall onto the dirty hardwood floor. The smell of old air, dust and sweet cedar wood filled their noses. Looking around the room in the very front was a large elaborate staircase ending in two halls. To the left stood a grand piano and chairs all covered in dust covers around rounded glass windows, on the right stood a strikingly big fireplace circled in large chairs covered in the white material. Lily and James creaked there way through the rooms and around the stairs to a kitchen on the right, cupboards, table and counters all done in old cedar and on the left a massive dining room, complete with elaborate chandelier over a huge wooden table about 8' long.

Up the stairs were twelve of the bedrooms, simply four poster beds, with out the canopy, desk, wardrobe, dresser and vanity, and window seats done in cedar wood carved with leaves, flowers and fairies, appeared to be made by ancient whittler. Lily could almost picture the old man sitting in his small house deep in the woods carving out the stories his mother and grandmother told him as a child into reality. Magical, almost.

Separating every other room was a bathroom with all the basics, sink, toilet, and bath tub with shower. As Lily and James turned the corner after viewing six of the twelve bedrooms they found another staircase leading to another floor. The carped exuding small puffs of dust and they winded there way up the stairs, old cedar wood creaking underfoot. Up the stairs lay about five more bedrooms same as those on the second floor only larger and two rooms like all the rest of the house in half wooden paneling, but the rest of the wall in bright red, not yet faded by age or light. In each those rooms hung four paintings under the dust covers capturing scenes from fairy tales; fairy princesses, nights in shining armor, kings of old. The days of glory, honor and chivalry. Looking at those paintings, running her fingers over the brush strokes from long ago made her think of how far we've come, good or bad its hard to tell. Sure there was more pain and anger and death but there are more people now, more technology, more hate. I know it wasn't heaven back then, with disease and sexism and slavery but there was honor and chivalry and hope. Lily gently ran her fingers over the picture of a fairy princess locked in a high tower with a look of whimsy upon her face and sighed. There was no way to go back anyways, so I guess you just do what you can with what you have. No body wants to live through times like this but its not really for us to decide, all we get to decide is what we do with the time we've been given, she thought. She walked across the ragged carpet and out the door. Walking down the hall James tugged on Lily's arm gently. She stopped walking as James ran his finger down the wall. An old creak followed a couple of groans as out of nowhere a door appeared. James opened the door and beckoned for Lily to follow. Tentatively she pursued, easing herself through the door. James clapped his hands and light appeared, illuminating the staircase before them. James walked up the stairs as it groaned from misuse. At the top there was an intricately carved door, filled with pictures of wizards and witches, princes and princesses, kings and queens generations before them. With a gentle push the door gave way to a well lit room. The whole far wall windows, each with its own seat, a large white canopy bed in the middle, desk, dresser, door leading to a large bathroom (equip with a white and gold bath tub), vanity and massive bookcase, filled with priceless classics like Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, Edgar Allen Poe and Jack London. Lily drifted towards the shelves, picking a book from them and opening it. The smell of old ink and parchment flooded her senses, the curve of the letters, pen marks in the pictures raised an image in Lily's mind of an author, white hair and bearded sitting at his desk in the middle of the night writing the book by the light of a candle, inky words splashed across white parchment.

Smiling she put the book back and walked about the room. Staring out the window Lily got her first good look of the backyard. In the right corner stood an old rickety tree house, on the left lay tennis courts, a small stable nearest the house on the left and the right was positively massive oak tree, branches dusted with the last leaves of fall and a swing hanging from its largest branch, rocking softly in the late afternoon breeze.

James came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and his head on hers he whispered to her "So do you like it?"

Lily turned about in his arms to face him and replied; "I love it" she beamed up at him and kissed him tenderly.

Two Months Later

The sun had just barely begun to beam over the horizon before she was up and out of bed, leaving James laying there alone. She slunk down the stairs softly and opened the door with a creak. Slipping down the hall as to not wake the rooms occupants she tiptoed to the stairs, decked out with evergreen boughs and red ribbon. Creeping into the kitchen, adorned in its Christmas finery too she began to cook. The smell of coffee, bacon, eggs and hot cakes woke the rest of the houses inhabitants as small feet stampeded down the stairs. Lily was greeted that morning with a mess of hugs from countless children as she set food out for them in the dining room, pre-adorned with dishes. As they ate, talked and laughed James came up behind Lily, wrapping strong arms around her waist.

"You know you don't have to do all this," he said gesturing to the impressive meal on the table, "We could get servants or house elves or something.

Lily smiled back at him "and miss all this?" she asked "Not for the world"

As the kids cleared the food from the table she ushered them outside, heavily clothed to play in the new snow. With the help of a wand she cleared the food from the table and dishes and whisked dishes away to the cupboards. Stepping on to the snow free porch out the back doors Lily, still clad in pajamas, watched James tumble in the snow with all the kids. Seeing their faces smiling, eyes bright, and laughter echoing Lily couldn't help but be happy. Sure there were hand prints on the walls, mud on the floors and pillow fights almost nightly, she wouldn't miss it for anything. They were so full of life, abounding with energy, humor and good times. It was hard to believe anyone would ever want to hurt them. Obviously some people did. They came to Lily and James, beaten, bruised and scared, and stayed till a permanent home could be found for them. However, seeing the looks on their faces made everything in the world seem good. That after all the bad Lily had been through there was still good things in the world, like children.

A snowball to the stomach woke her from her thoughts. Seeing James' boyish face grinning from a pile of kids she knew the culprit. Whipping her wand about shoes found there way onto her feet as she ran into the snow, tackling James to the ground. Holly, Andrew and Emily followed suit, ending up in a pile of small squirming bodies. Rolling in the snow and dotting the lawn with angels took up much of the day, leaving the removal of handprints and mud till tomorrow. No sense in sacrificing all this fun for cleaning right. So there they lay in the snow with 12 children beside them, panting in the cold air, cheeks rosy and noses red. James sneaked a kiss from Lily when the kids weren't looking as she rose to usher them inside as the sun faded from the sky. Shaking snow off and changing in to pj's took the kids upstairs while Lily and James made coco and chocolate chip cookies. Her hands covered with batter and hair coated in flour distracted James for long enough to sneak a box from his pocket. Gently taking Lily's hands from the cookie dough he knelt down on the floor before her. Looking into those bright green eyes, no longer haunted with shadows he grinned.

"Seeing as there's no better time than the present and I can't wait any longer to spend the rest of my life with you, Lily, will you marry me?"

Lily's eyes grew over-bright as a smile came to her lips "I will" she said softly. James rose and wrapped his arms around her body, holding her lips in a pure simple kiss. Letting her go he opened the box in his hand. In it lay an intricate gold and diamond ring. He slipped it onto her slender finger as he looked into her eyes. In the last months they'd spent here he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her this happy. Sure they didn't make a lot of money having a home for abused kids but they didn't need it. They had each other and kids that really needed them. Running fingers down her cheeks he kissed her again. As they kissed the children silently filed into the kitchen pajama clad and hungry.

A curly haired blue eyed six year old blond was the first to speak "EEWW LILY!!! BOYS HAVE COOTIES!!!"

Lily laughed as she pulled away from James kiss. "You guys go into the living room, James will light a fire for you, Henry, its your turn to pick a book so go find one, I'll bring you guys coco and cookies soon." She ordered, guiding them from the kitchen.

Cookies baked and eaten and coco done the kids dozed beside the fire, listing to James' light tenor tell of the Little Princess' fall from honor into hardship. Holly, the blue eyed blond curled up in Lily's lap and fell asleep. Her breath warm and steady on Lily's cheek as she slept peacefully. Lily stroked her hair softly as she dozed off in the fire light.

James watched Lily, holding the small blond girl, sweet smile across her face, red hair making a halo about her. She really is an angel, James thought, she's gone through so much and is still so sweet and good. She does so much for these kids with nothing in return but there happiness. It makes me want to smile whenever I see her with them, so happy, free, and pure.

Seeing most of the kids had fallen asleep James closed the book softly and picked up the small boy sleeping on his knee and carried him off to bed. Once all the kids were tucked in, James went off in search of Lily. He spotted an open door and looked inside. Lily sat, bathed in candle light singing a song softly as she stroked blond hair gently. Her light soprano voice filled the air, perfectly in tune and angelic James propped himself up on the door frame, content to watch this scene.

Sleep, dear child

Close those precious eyes

Dream of candy and hearts

And all that is good

And forget the tears that once fell

Sleep, sweet angel

Let music fill your head

Think of things so beautiful

And so wondrous

And forget where you've been

I sing the lullaby of angels

The lullaby of angels

With their wings spread out

And the halos shining for you

Sleep, my child

Rest your little mind

Think of friends that will

Never leave you

And don't you cry again

Sleep, my loved one

Stay here in my arms

And know that you are

Safe from all harm

The demons can't touch you again

I sing the lullaby of angels

The lullaby of angels

They watch you as you sleep

And hold you in their arms

The lullaby of angels

Oh, the lullaby of angels

See our tears, hear our prayers

And heal the hearts of millions

The last strains of the song died away as Lily pulled the covers up to the girls chin and kissed her forehead softly. With one last glance she left the sleeping girl and walked from the room with James. Arms wrapped around waists they walked in comfortable silence to their room. Tucked into the covers laying in each others arms they slept there, slight smiles gracing their faces and red hair mingled with black. Stars wheeled overhead and the moon drifted through the skies, people died, were born, and changed the world around them a little at a time all around the sleeping pair, but they didn't notice. They and the other tiny occupants of the Potter Manor slept on that December night, regardless of the happenings outside. All there was and all there ever would be was Lily, James, there kids and the slight stirring of life in Lily's belly.


End file.
